it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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