Cold hands, warm shart.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize