hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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