I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
