two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize