once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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