If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
