And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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