forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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