Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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