I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
