Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
