Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
