Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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