exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
