I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
