Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
