That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
