Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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