Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
