fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize