So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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