i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
