My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
