I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
we're so committed to being not committed
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
