Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
