Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
