Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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