I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
