I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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