Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
