If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The Olympian is in my bed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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