Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
