Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
