never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wish my penis had a tongue
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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