Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
