Define "chronic" masturbator.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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