so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
