so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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