whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
did i walk over a car last night?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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