I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
