Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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