he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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