This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize