Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
