I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We had to coat check the pizza.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
