dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
