we have pet lesbian snakes
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
