"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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