Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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