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I got chris browned last night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize