its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
