I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
