Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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