I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
pray to the hookup gods
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
