Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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