I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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