At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we're making bets on your personal life
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
