dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
