have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
