32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
