idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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