Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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