How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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