every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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