Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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