i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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