you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize