He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
