i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
