I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
