Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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